The Battle of the Mind

Since beginning this journey of meditation and yoga, I have gained much insight into this world, my surroundings, and, most importantly, myself. I try not to impose my beliefs on anyone but rather give them the opportunity to experience different cultures and viewpoints outside the mainland United States. At times in my life, I thought being a Christian was the answer, and at others, a Buddhist, but the truth is, we all need to be humans first. Your designation doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are compassionate to your fellow humans and care for your neighbor when in need. We are a vast community; things like money and status don’t matter, and you’ll begin to realize this after practicing these practices. What matters most is what’s going on in your mind and whether you can live there and not go stir-crazy. Starting a consistent contemplative practice is the best safeguard of our mind and will protect us from ourselves. Stay strong in the Battle of the Mind.

Reflection

It has been roughly a year since my last post, and I know it’s time to reflect. I completed my 300-HR YTT in December of last year, which was a huge accomplishment; however, following that, I strained my back, and then my grandmother passed. I fell out of practicing yoga. I spent the following months depressed and unmotivated. I was completing my graduate school work but was unfulfilled and drifting around. Then, in May, I triggered my back by working out again, and the herniated disc/ spinal stenosis got to an unbearable point; I had to get the surgery I had been trying to avoid for the last 12 years. This was a massive setback for me. I am still recovering from it; it happened only two months ago. I hadn’t realized how much I relied on physical activity to cope with stress. I couldn’t walk too much, workout, or do yoga. I finished graduate school and got my MBA in July, and I was waiting to return to the yogic path again and start practicing and teaching. I took my first gentle yoga class a week and a half ago and couldn’t do too many of the postures. Then, I went to a restorative class last week, and my body felt ok. All movements had to be slow and methodical to avoid re-injuring my back.

I decided to start teaching again on Aug. 31st, beginning with two weekly classes: vinyasa and slow-flow. Most of it will be verbal cueing because I am still limited in movements. Getting back on a horse you fell off isn’t always easy, but it is necessary. Know that things will always come up to hold us back from accomplishing goals; we must persevere to overcome adversity, or our spirit will die metaphorically. Here is to our next journey together. Namaste!

PhD in Suffering

We are now living in a massively disconnected society lacking a social bond. We are too busy checking our ‘life suckers’ in our hands, popping around on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Living in reality is more challenging than ever; we are consumed with being consumers and getting our dopamine hits. Most of the population over 21 consumes alcohol, cannabis, or hard drugs. We are living in what is being called the ‘Silent Depression,’ and I think that applies to people psychologically and financially. We are on more psychiatric medication than ever, and mental illness is at an all-time high. Here in the U.S., we have a massive homeless problem fueled by mental health issues and drugs. Social issues are bursting at the seams. Plus, there is a constant fear of war breaking out that we pretend isn’t there. Things just aren’t right; it’s all a little off.

Now more than ever, we need community: go to local yoga studios to practice with your favorite teachers and bond with fellow students. There is a quote by Chris MaCandless that states, “Happiness [is] only real when shared.” Sitting isolated at your house is no way to live a life. And, to be honest, that’s been my life for the past 11 years after getting out of the military. Due to mental health issues that continue to arise, I struggle with consistency. I have good periods that last a season and change. Nothing is constant. The good periods I notice are spent in the company of others, hence the importance of the McCandless quote. My suggestion is to get off your phone and live. That’s the only solution: action. Continue to move. Stopping kills the energy within. Please take this to heart; I have my PhD in suffering, as many of us do.

Karma Yoga

Karma yoga is one of the most important parts of practicing yoga. Karma yoga is the acts of service you do for others without expecting anything in return. Doing for others is a service and dedication of energy to that person or mission. Yoga in the West tends to be centered around its benefits. However, what are some of the lessons we learn on the mat that can be transferred to help others? Compassion is one of those lessons. First, showing compassion for yourself is essential in offering it to others. Compassion is an understanding of the attempt to understand one’s own or people’s circumstances with a nonjudgmental heart. Often, it is easier to be compassionate to someone else than us, which is a strange phenomenon. Compassion must start from within at our core. Showing a softness to ourselves is hard because we know our shortcomings and attitudes that influence why things may or may not have happened. Knowing these background stories makes it harder to forgive ourselves and show the compassion that we speak of within. Even knowing this, I am extremely hard on myself. I probably show the slightest compassion to myself out of any person I know. I am not some guru who puts himself on a pedestal, but a flawed human who continuously makes mistakes and is ever-growing in many directions. If yoga enlightened you, you would do it once and never have to return. Simply this isn’t the case. So, where do we start with compassion? Start with a simple 5–10-minute meditation centered around self-compassion, repeating the affirmations ‘I am deserving of love,’ ‘I love myself,’ and ‘I am loved.’ We start there and see where we are in the coming days, weeks, and months. This is a practice, so come back to it early and often. Know you will get off the path; however, the sooner you redirect yourself onto the path, the better you’ll be, and you’ll be thanking yourself in the end.

The Practice

We must remember that yoga is a discipline. We practice yoga to cultivate a practice of consistency and to show up for ourselves in times of suffering. This is because, inevitably, we will suffer from being human. Yoga, not just the asanas (physical postures), is a complete system to overcome this obstacle. If you do just one and not the entire system, you are doing yourself an injustice. Yoga involves studying philosophy, asana, pranayama, meditation, and action. If any of these feel intimidating, you can speak to an instructor, and they will happily suggest some readings or resources to deepen your practice. The deeper you dive, the deeper your practice will benefit you and your entire environment and community.

Suffering

Suffering is a unique dilemma; it is constantly present, but we need its presence to drive us to do better. Without suffering, we stay the same. We are idle. However, there is a threshold when it becomes too much, and it is stunting. When it causes us to revert to using negative coping strategies to soothe ourselves, that’s when your relationship with suffering must change. You have to sit with it, explore it, and ask questions. Why am I suffering? What causes me to suffer? Is it worth dwelling on the suffering? When we examine this, we see our clinging to things wanting to remain the same. Yet, things never stay the same. At this moment, the world and universe are in constant flux. This is very unsettling to some because you can never ‘drop the pack’ or relax. But, really, should you ever give into comfort? I say no. It's a death sentence. To stop moving is to die. If this seems too much, make incremental changes and strive for better and better each day until you arrive at your best self. In this effort, serve others and be devotional in your practice, and you will find peace.

Relationships

When we expect things, we are bound to be let down. When things start to be expected, the relationship becomes transactional, and it loses its meaning. This goes for romantic love, a special friendship, or a strong family bond. We must accept these relationships and appreciate them only partially as they arise. This allows us to live in the moment, be fully present as intended, and enjoy these bonds.

The most complex relationships will have been romantic ones. Romantic relationships bring out the most significant ‘hang-ups’ we have. This is especially the case when one wants to anticipate things because when you expect, you create. These hang-ups hold us back on our journey working with the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. The expectations many set for romantic relationships destroy them before they even have a chance to ‘get off the ground.’ We often hope these relationships will complete us as we look for our ‘better half,’ yet we must be whole before we embark on such a journey with someone. That means you must do a lot of personal growth and self-discovery to learn. That doesn’t mean constantly jumping in and out of relationships and dating as much as possible. It means understanding who you are and knowing what makes you tick. That way, you are selecting people to date who hold your morals and goals. Never be desperate and compromise on your morals because you will regret this later during the relationship, too. Stick to what you want and your standards; it will be a successful endeavor.

Self-Study

Meditation is self-study. The actual reason why we practice these contemplative practices is to learn our tendencies and habits. We spend time with ourselves and our minds to see where it sticks and where work needs to be done. If you avoid this work, it will eventually consume you and possibly take your life by limiting your experiences or your physical life. You must be able to sit alone with your thoughts because most of your time is spent with them. If you are constantly dwelling on the negative aspects of life, the nature of your life will be negative, but the opposite holds, too. The key is recognizing the negative and not getting stuck there. This goes for positive experiences, too; don’t get stuck there. We must practice the middle way of neutrality, or we will get hooked into a loop of suffering-chasing experiences. Try to remain in the middle so you may see all avenues of approach and not just your desires.

Death

Death is something we avoid because we are most scared of the unknown. Developing a deeper connection to it, like practicing postures like Shavasana in yoga, may help foster this relationship. I, like many of us, have had encounters with death. Mine took place in Afghanistan every day. Every day, I had to understand that the next step could be my last, and it woke me up to the reality of how close death was to us. However, when I returned, I was told to forget this feeling and that it was an extreme circumstance. In Western society, we hide death away in nursing homes, hospitals, and funeral homes. It is a celebration of passing over to the next journey in the East. It does come with some sadness because of the attachments we have as humans to our loved ones. And as Western culture spreads and evolves, this becomes the central fixation with our relationship to death. 

Meditation also provides an opportunity to get closer to death. We get to dive into the darkness of our minds. The stillness achieved through meditation must be like the moments before passing on to become that universal energy we all try to define. For many of us, meditations are uncomfortable. We are left with ourselves and the thoughts and ideas that fill our minds during meditation. We attach so much to them, and realizing we aren’t any of them is scary; we are nothingness. This existence is a pure symptom of when your mother and father mated with each other, nothing more, nothing less. This, too, will pass just like that moment in time, and we will return to all this as a simple happening in the Universe.

Struggle for Consistency

One of the biggest things we as humans seek in life is consistency. We try daily to establish this. However, many of us never achieve it. It is because we need more programming to do so. Let it be known it can be trained, though. We can establish consistency little by little. One way to be consistent is to be consistent with ourselves by practicing meditation. Sitting for 10-20 minutes a day is a good start. No special meditation is done here; we observe the rising and falling of our breath. You may also notice the sensations that arise in the body, like pain or unbearableness. Lastly, we may take notice of the passing of thoughts, but we must avoid getting attached to any of these. Being present to observe them all simultaneously is the ultimate goal. Once we build a daily practice, we can extend this mindfulness (or awareness) to other areas, becoming more consistent. Consistency is a byproduct of mindfulness, whereas our states of consciousness become more and more easily accessed and channeled. 

Cravings

We often want to leave where we live, move, and start over. However, you will always bring yourself along, so the problem ultimately comes with you. The problem is our minds. It is never satisfied, and it always craves more. More food, experiences, money, and time. But what happens when you can’t provide these things? Does the mind implode? No, it does what you ultimately decide. Either wait patiently until that experience comes to us or force it repeatedly and risk the consequences. The choice is yours! Train the mind by practicing contemplative practices; one will see beyond the superficial layer of the mind.

Modern Living

Why are we unhappy as a society? It’s because we are getting away from our roots and living simply. Many of us live in cities, and if the economy were to collapse, we would be unable to grow fruits and vegetables or raise livestock. We would be lost. We have become too dependent on the government to provide this false sense of a social support network. We must get back to simpler times. We should grow food, focus on our inner peace, eat healthy food, spend quality time with loved ones, and obtain a minimalistic lifestyle.

Historically, much of the time was spent caring for the land and preparing daily meals. Society has tried to “simplify” this, in hopes of profit, by providing food, items to buy, and giving us jobs to make money. But in this pursuit of profit, we have lost sight of the value of self-reliance. The infrastructure we have created now forces people to generate an income just to live, with taxes supporting it. It now costs money just to exist. This is a stark societal critique-what has the world come to when the basic necessities of life are no longer freely accessible?

The goal is to determine the minimum one needs to survive, obtain that with little savings, and be consistent. Then, once you are monetarily satisfied, focus your efforts on improving your living skills to become more independent. This means growing food, getting livestock and raising them, and learning how to repair things you own (a car or home). I’m not saying that to get “off the grid,” ultimately, we must become more independent and self-reliant. How about we all start by brewing our coffee in the morning instead of going for the convenience cup at the local coffee shop? Be more present in your own life and participate in creating it. 

Thankfulness

As the holiday season rolls around, we tend to force this sense of cheer on everyone. Being happy around friends and family can be a great thing, but what about people who come from homes that weren’t supportive, relatives who have passed, or who have broken family ties? These people aren’t always grateful for those family situations, but they may be grateful for the chosen family they surround themselves with.

I am grateful for the family I communicate with and the chosen family (friends) I surround myself with. Genuine relationships that allow for authentic communication are rare. People want us to fit their image of what they want, but that is not a real relationship. If people want you to continually change, they aren’t your people, and that should drive you to surround yourself with people who appreciate you the way you are. Stay true to yourself. 

And, most importantly, always be grateful for what you have. 

Instant Satori

Alan Watts has been a massive influence since I began listening to and reading his works around 2010. He mentioned a concept once in one of his lectures, this thought of ‘instant satori.’ It didn’t make sense until years later when it hit me; he talked about my experience(s) being deployed overseas with the Marines. I remember coming back from multiple deployments and just not fitting into society. I knew the common folk of this country didn’t have that constant anticipation of death that I had accepted.

First-world countries take this out of the human experience with the perception of safety by having a police and fire department, which we know helps in many situations. Still, they are no cure to the everlasting looming nature of danger. So, when veterans come back from war, they are told to forget what they learned overseas, as it has no use back home, or so I have been told. But most veterans will tell you that being deployed to war was the first time they lived. They had a community, a mission, and an experience that could never be taken away. We were fully living for the first time because we had no other option; every second could be our last. 

In Iraq alone in 2008, I deployed as a machine gunner (0331) part of Echo Co. 2/25, a reserve unit. We were repurposed and made a part of the internal security forces for Al Asad Air Force Base. One of my primary purposes was to be a Backscatter Technician, scanning vehicles for drugs and explosives. Now, a few hairy things happened, but mostly walking up to a car and having to accept your death 10-50 times a day, depending on what shift you were working. You never knew what you could find. We were often inspecting KBR contractors that were local nationals, and we had to have complete faith that they didn’t rig their fuel tank to a massive IED (Improvised Explosive Device). 

That fear got to me, and I was highly stressed out. I was having nightmares of dying and was constantly anxious. However, we couldn’t tell our command that out of fear of being labeled a ‘pussy’, which needs no further explanation. This could mean we were medically discharged and labeled a psych case. We all buried it as deep down as we could and pushed forward. 

This one time, it stood out for me in Iraq when a large fuel truck’s brakes went on its vehicle. My Corporal and I had no combat experience at the time, so we had to escalate force by signaling them to slow down, popping a flare, and eventually pointing our weapons at the driver’s engine for not stopping. We were seconds away from pulling the trigger in trying to disable the vehicle, and the next shot after that was going to have to be to kill the driver. This is all the while trying to manage the IA’s ( Iraqi Army) detail that was with us, too, with a massive language barrier. 

We stayed as calm as possible in that chaos and made the right decision not to engage because the vehicle ended up stopping, which, through further investigation, we found the issue. The driver was terrified and almost lost his life, but sadly, we would have been in the right by using our SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures). We both discussed that we would have to kill somebody that day, and it was so imminent, but we didn’t and lived to see another day. But the question is, what do you do with that knowledge? You teach others not to act in haste because your perception isn’t always accurate. I woke up that day to the realities of life. It is so impermanent, and any second could be your last. It was instant satori. Trying to carry that knowledge still lives with me to this very day, along with other traumatic events that happened overseas. Still, the truth is in war, you live, but we are told to go back to sleep to participate in society when returning home by the VA (Veteran Affairs) Therapists.

We don’t go to the VA to be told how to live; we want to be heard. Unfortunately, they want to downplay the experience and try to make it as if it can go away and you can live an entirely ‘normal’ life. Yet, any veteran knows that being in situations like this, life is never the same after that. It seems as if it can go away and you can live an entirely ‘normal’ life, yet any veteran knows that To be an expert in something, you must have lived experience; everything else is book knowledge or research, which can’t be supplemented by living the event. Creating safe spaces just to be heard is the best approach to these struggles, not trying to mold us back into ‘normalcy.’ The mind anticipates, and removing that would remove us from the human experience. We are not broken; we are in constant repair and struggle to assimilate.

Going Towards the Light

This community is not just about living fully; it’s about always going towards the light or positive energy. Negativity will always come up, but it’s about addressing it and refocusing on making a positive change. Especially in this current society, it’s hard to see things positively with suffering, division, sickness, etc., everywhere we turn, but we aren’t 6 feet under yet, so there is still hope for change. That being said, the moment we pass into being full light-beings (or pass on), no more immediate change can take place. Please take advantage of the time you have left on this planet because it can be beautiful, but one must change the lens one sees through. Trust me, I know suffering, growing up impoverished, tours overseas with the military, losing loved ones, having mental health issues, struggling monetarily, and battling the inner chatter within the mind; life is challenging at times. However, we must keep telling ourselves there is hope; otherwise, we will suffer even more. This is all the more reason to dive into your practice. Get in touch with yourself and live the best life you can. It will never be perfect, but it will be yours.

Forgiveness

Often, the most complex person to forgive is ourselves, but it is our most significant lesson to learn. We must show self-compassion first to offer it to others because it all starts inside ourselves. This means forgiving yourself for making mistakes you had or did not have control over. Beating ourselves up will never get us anywhere but lower than we already are. We must open up a space for ourselves to heal and grow from where we are right now. Never hold on to the old self because that is where the suffering lies in its wary head.

Start with a simple intention of forgiveness in your desired practice (pranayama (breathing), yoga (asana), and/ or meditation). Reflect on how you feel before and after the practice(s). Did you lose or gain forgiveness for yourself?

All we can do is try to show up every day and realize our truest nature and universal energy. By forgiving yourself, you forgive everyone. Blessings to you all.

Why We Practice…

In this society, we question many things, like our attachments to drugs, alcohol, sex, money, success, and fame. In the United States and other first-world countries, this is because we are not taught the teachings of grounding ourselves. We rush for the quick fix: a pill, a high, an escape. But, if we do ‘the work’ on ourselves and practice contemplative practices, we begin to see the root of all suffering: simply having attachments. These attachments don’t allow us to be present and appreciate the meaning of life, which is just to be alive and experience the world as it is.

The Buddha did much of this groundwork for us by mapping out the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold Path. Suppose we acknowledge and practice these teachings daily. In that case, they allow us to live fully in the present moment, with the possibility of understanding suffering and knowing that nothing is permanent, even if we want it to be. Life is neither good nor bad; it is just life and must be lived.

Please don’t get hung up on my words here. These are words, too, and I am human and imperfect as you are. I have experienced/ believe that if you show up for yourself and have a personal practice(s), you are grounded and can weather the waves in the storm called life. Sometimes, we may fall off the path, which is okay, but eventually, you will see the path's importance and how it previously created a refuge for you. I am not telling anyone to become a monk (but you can if you like). However, what I am getting at is that we must try to live as fully as we can because we aren’t guaranteed the next second. So appreciate each breath and live this life as if you will never get another one.